Im at strip club and am horny
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
