I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize