come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
