I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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