I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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