whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
