Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
