i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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