Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize