This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
