OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
