we're blogging at a bar
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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