You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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