Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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