yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
