Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
