you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize