Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
