i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
