my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
