I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
