I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Operation Purity has been aborted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
