So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
