A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
