So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
