I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
