I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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