Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
