I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
