I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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