i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
