me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i think im in europe. pls send help
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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