How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
