you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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