We won't sleep together?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
