I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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