Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
