Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
