which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
