I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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