I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
