We're facebook friends in real life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
