These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
