I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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