we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
