You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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