If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
