Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
