I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
this hospital has no fireball
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
