wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
