see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
