hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
