you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
