i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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