how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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