i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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