I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
