Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
