Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
