I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
