I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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