She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
