Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
