I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
