I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
