I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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