I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
