I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize