I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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