he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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