i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
