I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
