Who wears a wallet chain?!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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