paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
