she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize