I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
