I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
