Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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