Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
