ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
