Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
