Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize