It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
