I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
