I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
