the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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