All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
