I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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