We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
