when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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