he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
