Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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