I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
