I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
