I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
