Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize