my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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