you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
