mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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