Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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