could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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