dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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