I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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