i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
