She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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