I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
