I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize