dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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