I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
