i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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