she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
