The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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